ok so as much as i love helping my friends and people in general, i just cant anymore. ive done far too much at the cost of myself with little return. i understand helping people should be payment in and of itself but after hard attacks from life in general, i feel i have let my guard down and left myself vulnerable. i hate this feeling of immense sadness. my fav uncle was put in the hospital for chest pain this on the day before my fathers birthday and hes much older than his brother. i cant help but feel like i am unprepared for the loss of my father and whilst helping others i have yet to realize how much i have grown to know this flawed man that is amazing. i need to focus on things that really matter instead of working at an endless endever with little thanks or payback to myself. might be selfish but i feel its time to be selfish for a season.